What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 03:37
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was scared of men, in general
Is there anything wrong with me because I'm still single?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
New Apple study challenges whether AI models truly “reason” through problems - Ars Technica
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Japanese culture: Is it true adult adoption is common in Japan?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why are people saying that Trump is fat when he is an athletic 6 foot 3 and 215 pounds?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She found it foreign!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I waited trembling.
Do conservative white women like black men?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was seconnd youngest,
What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What can you do if you are a full-grown adult, but never experienced being a child?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
What do most wives fantasize about?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
What did i know ?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
How many women have accidentally pooped their pants and became turned on afterwards?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He knew the spot.
Latest WA shipping and tourism numbers tell a depressing story - The Seattle Times
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My life is so biszare .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We all went to grammer schools
Was to survive, this bastard.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was very sick at this time too.
Im still living with it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i lived it daily.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I think the readers, may guess!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It was going to be , some day.
But, we were locked up after school.
I have no regrets .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Ive learnt so much.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She loved him until the end.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She married twice! .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She was in good health!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is soul school!.
All the time i was locked up.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I don,t even have a pension.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I will be 64.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Would this be the day?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I said to her
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We were not on the streets..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Put me off passion for life!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
When she asked me how she looked .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
So, i spoilt her more .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Comes on , in middle age.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One cannot live in the past .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Who then, do I blame.?
She wouldn,t have been !
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So whats the point in blame.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it wasn’t much.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My family never makes their pension either.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!